The Masks We Wear

Talking about suicide and asking if the person to the left or right of you is okay can be a difficult conversation. Our Marines and families have asked how we “really” know when to ask the hard question: “Are you thinking about killing yourself?”  

To begin with, get to know your fellow Marines well enough to know when their actions are outside their norm. Ask questions about changes in their behavior or personality.  

Not all people contemplating suicide will exhibit signs or give signals. Those who experience suicidal feelings may mask their feelings in many different ways.  

Ways individuals mask their emotional struggles: 

Humor: Some people use humor to mask their pain. They make others laugh, making jokes and using sarcasm as a defense mechanism to mask any outward indication they are in pain.   

Hygiene: When we feel down, sometimes we let our hygiene go. Observations like “your uniform used to be squared away,” “you normally show up Monday morning with a fresh haircut” or “you haven’t changed all weekend,” may prompt them to mask their feelings by making an effort to dress up and put on a self-confident appearance. This may be an attempt to deflect the negative comments that might worsen their feelings.  

I’m Fine: Responding with “I’m fine” when asked about how they are doing may be a way to mask their struggles. Try asking open ended questions to get more of a conversation going if you still have concerns.   

Avoiding Socializing/Isolating: Some Marines who are known extroverts may avoid socializing or start to isolate themselves. They may say it’s because of financial issues, not feeling well, or they just don’t feel like leaving their rooms. Offer some alternative, more low-key outing suggestions. Most importantly, check back in with them.   

Remember that everyone deserves support and understanding, regardless of the masks they wear. If you or someone you know is struggling, reach out to them, encourage them to call or text 988, or refer them to a mental health professional. For more information, check out the Marine Corps Interactive Suicide Prevention and Mental Fitness Resource and the Marine Corps Warfighter Mental Readiness Playbook. 

Support is within reach. Additional prevention resources are available at www.usmc-mccs.org/protect.